A Homestuck Truth or Dare
by livvykitty
Summary: In which an authoress takes the Homestuck crew under her wing and they don't find out about the true reason until it's far too late. Please send in truths and dares! Rules in the chapter.
1. Chapter 1

_You, the reader, have probably come for some excitement. Perhaps you thought that a new and mysterious adventure was unfolding for our dear characters, or maybe you wished to see the most amazingly adorable fluff in existence. Perhaps you hoped to see them bloody, broken and bruised like the sadistic freaks I know some of you can be, or maybe you wanted them to roll in catnip and sing like a gaggle of flighty broads at a shoe sale. But no, this is not the case._

_I bring you something much more terrifying._

_I bring you something that will make you more afraid then a Tricksterized sober Gamzee. I bring you something that will leave you crying in the corner faster than Pewdiepie or Cry playing a scary horror game (bless their brave, adorable little hearts). This will have you running faster than a happy-go-lucky Karkat willingly kissing a cursing and confident Equius on the cheek sweetly. _

_It may also be your biggest disappointment._

_Welcome to my Homestuck Truth or Dare, ladies and gentlemen._

_Welcome to Hell, Homestuck, you won't be here lo_-

In a large mansion on the outskirts of a city in Missouri, a young girl's typing is cut off by a Faygo bottle hitting her in the head. Said girl looked up and glared at the jackass who hit her, making a sound of annoyance. "Seriously, Gamzee?"

"Sorry, my motherfuckin' sister," Gamzee said, shrugging, "the motherfucker who can't perform slam poetry to save his motherfuckin' life won't recognize the miracles that is Faygo."

"It's called rap, you fuckin' clown douche," Dave called from behind the couch the girl was situated on, "and apple juice will always beat Faygo to fuckin' Derse and back."

The girl sighed, saving her document and closing her laptop's lid. Setting the machine aside as if it were a child or perhaps the crown jewels of England, she reached behind the couch and dragged Dave out of hiding by his ear. Dave still attempted to continue his 'face of the poker', but the girl could see that he was in silent pain. Hell, by his body language she could tell that he was screaming bloody murder on the inside.

She reached out and dragged Gamzee by the ear as well, ignoring his yelp of, "Motherfucker- OW!" After having the two face each other, she looked at them both with stern looks.

"Okay fuckasses, listen to me. Stop fighting." She was rather grumpy because her writing was interrupted. "Now, here's the thing…" She pulled a bottle from her pocket, shook it up, and opened the top in Dave's face. Before Gamzee could abscond, laughing at the cool kid's misfortune, she brought out another bottle of the fizzy beverage and repeated.

As the two sticky and wet boys sputtered, trying to get the drink away from their eyes, the girl said, "Obviously Coca-Cola beats both of your devil beverages from the pits of hell, to Prospit and back and forth a zillion times over." She laughed, walking away, but not before gently holding her laptop to her chest.

She relocated to another room, sitting by Feferi and Kanaya as the two chatted over tea with Rose. The girl, when offered tea, declined and pulled out another Coke, continuing to type.

_Now, you may be wondering who would get your hopes up and crushing them like glass. Who could this amazing, beautiful, smart and powerful woman be? Who could be the one authoress to bring moving and wonderful stories into the world? There is only one._

_The girl with the golden eyes and snowy white hair, the porcelain skin and the fiery temper, the girl with the ears of the fiercest tiger… The girl who is going strong with forty-five stories, all entertaining to people of all ages. There is only one!_

_This woman is known by many names. She's the Queen of Insanity, the Princess of Pens, the Master of Crack, the Thief of Imagination and many more. She is the Great and Powerful Authoress._

_And her name is-_

The girl is taken from her thoughts when she heard a playful growl. Looking up, she could see Jade sitting across from her, presumably joining the others at the table for tea. The girl gave a smile and a mock hiss back. No, this girl wasn't half cat, just as Jade was part dog. The girl wished she was, though.

_Livvykitty._

Kitty looked over what she had so far. The beginning looked fine, but the part describing herself sounded so much like… a Mary-Sue. Shuddering at the disgusting thought, she deleted it and placed a new description lovingly along the page of the outdated word software.

_Who is this amazing, beautiful and powerful woman? Well, you may not realize, but she actually looked rather ordinary. The had curly brown hair that she tended to spend time on due to the amount of stubborn knots that would form. She had unassuming brown eyes that were, more often than not, staring from behind the thick black frame of glasses to help enhance her poor eyesight. She was five eight in height, a fact which she was rather proud of. She loved pointing out that she was taller than someone. Upon her head was a headband with black cat ears glued on._

Yeah, that explained Kitty's appearance, except for the cat eared headband. She wilted slightly at the thought. She wished that she had cat ears…

_She had a strange assortment for a personality. When it came to analyzing and facts, she loved it. In fact, her dream was to be a psychiatrist. The only thing she loved more was writing. Livvykitty is known to be quite cheerful and happy most of the time, with a healthy sense of mischief and pranksterism. However, if you challenge her beliefs, she will defend them passionately. When grumpy, she acts like a regular Karkat._

_Enough about her. She is but the hostess. And the authoress. _

_Here's what you need before you spam my review section with truths and dares!_

_Rules:_

_No more than 5 truths/dares per review. I usually end up getting a ton of reviews and all, so this is to help me keep up and update faster._

_Nothing beyond make-outs in the closet. Because I am a prude._

_FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO BUCKETS. They can be mentioned…_

_Have fun! :)_

_I have three spots open for hosts and two are already reserved for Eridanisnotonfire and Shazer, should they choose to accept._

_Go wild and review them, my friends!_

Kitty giggled a bit, causing the other occupants at the table to look at her. Rose asked curiously, "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," Kitty replied, "You're just going to be in my truth or dare."

The horrified looks she got were so worth it.


	2. The first round!

_**In a world where authoresses kidnap and/or live with Homestuck characters, one girl dares to do a truth or da-**_

"No," Kitty wrinkled her nose and silenced the random voice of the dramatic narration, "God, that was so cheesy and cliché. Someone smack me if I ever do that again."

"Don't we have more pressing matters to attend to?" Kanaya asked in annoyance, "Such as when you were going to tell us that we were actually part of a truth or dare?"

Kitty snickered, bringing a hand to her mouth to muffle the titters, "Not until it was too late. If I told the first day you arrived, you would have bailed. And what's the fun in that?"

"Wwhat makes you think that wwe just wwon't leavve noww?" Eridan demanded, getting up to walk towards the front door.

Kitty panicked, "No, I wouldn't do that if I were y-" It was too late. Eridan had walked into her automatic defense system. She winced as Eridan screamed, running back inside, his cape filled with bullet holes. "I tried to warn you!"

"WWHY IS THERE A CRAZED GUNMAN OUTSIDE?" Eridan yelled, gesturing to the bullet holes in his cape.

Kitty looked offended, "That isn't just any crazed gunman! That's Switzerland! He shoots anyone that enters his yard…"

"How are we close to _Switzerland_?" Jade furrowed her eyebrows, "We're in America and I thought that Switzerland was in Europe!"

"It is! Welcome to Europe. I transported out here with…" She bounced excitedly, "MAAAAAAAAGIC!"

"The eight thing is miiiiiiiine!" Vriska protested.

"Shhh," Kitty patted her head, "Be silent and let the big kids speak, oh little spider girl."

"You must have a death wish," Vriska glared.

"You must wish to be dared." Kitty said just as venomously.

"Besides, magic isn't real." Eridan crossed his arms over his chest.

Kitty glared at all the people who nodded in agreement. She growled, "If you guys don't think that magic is real, then _explain Grimdark_!" She was met with silence. She continued smugly, "There's no escape!"

"There'th the back door." Sollux deadpanned before walking towards it.

Sighing, Kitty followed him, "You don't wanna go back there yet." The rest of the characters started to follow them both, curious to see where this would lead. Sollux opened the door and was met with the sight of a giant picnic in the backyard. Kitty sighed yet again, facepalming and backing away.

Sollux looked in pure confusion as two of the 'girls' turned to face him, revealing that one was made of blue jelly and was wearing a wig, and that the other was a little orange sun-thing. Seriously, what the hell was that? Sollux slowly closed the door and turned back to everyone, poker face at the ready, "The back ith out."

"See? Now get back in here. I have cookies and hot chocolate for you while we wait for reviews. And I have two guests coming in soon." Kitty glanced at the watch drawn on her wrist and ushered the characters in the living room.

As everyone sipped at their drinks, the young authoress sat back on her floor to check her reviews. Holy cow, six reviews?! That was definitely something! She glanced up at everyone with a grin. "We've got them~"

"Before we start, I have one question," Rose looked at her suspiciously, "Why are you being so nice? We've been to and seen alternate timeline versions of ourselves doing these truth or dares, but not many hosts show this level of hospitality. We're more or less treated as vessels for readers' amusement and torture. We just sit around until the next review comes in. What about you?"

Kitty looked at her, tilting her head. Maybe it was a mistake to ban all the alcohol in her house… "Well, I'm a writer with some books under wraps. You know just as well as I do that if a book is to be good enough, the characters have to be realistic. So, I treat mine as if they're living beings." She shrugged.

Rose, seeming satisfied with the answer, settled back with her hot chocolate.

"Okay, our first review," Kitty said aloud, "Is from **casrules401**!"

**YAYYYYYYY!**

**Dave- apple juice drinking contest with Gamzee**

**Karkat- DO THE CINNMNON CHALLANGE!**

**Eridan- burn your cape**

**John- eat a spider**

Dave smirked triumphantly at a horrified looking Gamzee, "See? This reviewer sees the amazingness that is APPLE JUICE. Not your shitty Faygo."

Gamzee growled at him, "You messed with the wrong motherfuckin' troll, bro."

"Now, now," Kitty went between them, "We'll let the competition do the talking. I propose a bet for the two of you." When she had both of their attention, she continued, "If Gamzee wins, he gets all of the dead things Dave has," Dave looked saddened by the idea of parting with those decomposed animals (bluh) while Gamzee perked up, "And if Dave wins, Gamzee has to stop worshipping the mirthful messiahs for a week." Gamzee looked completely horrified.

After the two boys shook on the bet, Kitty turned to the twelve others in the room, pulling out a board with three sides labeled with _Gamzee, Dave, Neither_ on it. "Place your bets! Place your bets folks! Who's gonna win the contest? Come on; throw some money in on the table!"

Dave looked at his friends, "You're going to bet on us."

"Pfft, no!" John replied, "We would never do that!" While the two combatants' backs were turned, that's exactly what everyone did. "Twenty boonbonds on Dave," John whispered, handing Kitty the money.

Once everyone placed their bets, the mischievous authoress called out, "Start the competition! We have five on Dave, five on Gamzee, and three betting on neither! Let the apple juice drink off begin!"

An invisible force pushed a table in front of the clown troll and cool kid that was filled with apple juice. Kitty held up her toy gun, "On the count of ten, drink! One, two, ten!" She pulled the trigger, causing a little flag saying _**'Bang!'**_ to pop out of it.

The two competitors began to drink apple juice, the other in the background yelling, "Chug, chug, chug!"

Kitty was watching and narrating in her best horse racing commentator voice, "Aaaaaaand it seems that Strider is taking the lead with twelve bottles, but Gamzee isn't close behind and look at those boys chug down that sugary liquefied apple nectar, and it looks like Gamzee is catching up! They're neck and neck, it can be anyone's race now, let's see how they fare and this is the most exciting apple juice chugging you will ever see!" She burst into a fit of laughter, "Pfft, I can't do it anymore. Hm?"

Around the boys' twentieth bottle, they began to act strangely. Dave wasn't chugging as fast as before while Gamzee was sloshing his bottle around as if it were a martini glass. Dave's cheeks were flushed bright red while Gamzee was sagging a bit. Dave suddenly knocked over his drink as he clumsily slung an arm around his rival's shoulders.

He hiccupped a bit, his shades skewed slightly, "Y-You see dis guy here?" He poked Gamzee's shoulder, "Dis guy. DIIIIIIIIS GUY. Dis guy i-is awesome and shit. H-He's like meh bro or some shit." He hiccupped again, causing the two to collapse into a fit of giggles.

Kitty filmed from the background, snickering.

"You motherfucker," Gamzee slung his arm around Dave's shoulder in much the same way, "This motherfucker is like the motherfuckin' shit. H-He's like bitchtits wicked and motherfuckin' shit."

The two gave a messy hug and fell backwards on the floor, passed out. Gamzee was sprawled on top of Dave while Dave accidentally was flopped atop a small hill of empty and full apple juice bottles. Kitty giggled, turning her camera off. It would make good blackmail later. "I didn't know that you could get sugar drunk." She should have totally known. She knew of Tricksters.

She counted the number of empty bottles from both and announced, "They have the same number! The winners are Rose, Terezi and I!" The two Seers looked on triumphantly as the others whined.

"That's no fucking fair!" Karkat complained, "They're Seers! Of course they would know!"

"Well then you should've been Seer of Blood, Karkles. Tough luck." Kitty stuck out her tongue before giving Terezi and Rose their shares. She counted her profits and looked at those who glared at her. "Hey, I've gotta get money somehow! You guys aren't exactly cheap, you know!"

"Not that this isn't fuuuuuuuun," Vriska drawled, "but what's next on the schedule?"

"It says here that Karkat has to do the cinnamon challenge!" Kitty paused, "Wait. Oh. Well, you poor thing."

"What the fuck is the cinnamon challenge?" Karkat scowled, "And why do _I_ have to do it?"

"The reviewer said so and you_ DO NOT DEFY THE FANS._" Kitty looked positively demonic for a moment before calming down and pointing to a TV (which may or may not have been there a few seconds ago), "And that's the cinnamon challenge."

Karkat looked to the screen and raised an eyebrow as it depicted a successful cinnamon challenge. He looked back at the authoress, "I don't see what's so fucking hard about it. I just have to eat a spoon full of cinnamon without water."

John laughed, patting him on the head, "Oh Karkat. Poor, innocent, sweet, naïve Karkat." He ignored the hiss sent his way and handed the troll the fated spoon of cinnamon. Kitty had a gallon of water on standby, just in case.

Karkat obliviously, without hesitation shoveled it in his mouth. The humans winced for him (except for Dave, who was still passed out with his new apple juice drunk buddy) as Karkat sputtered, spitting and gasping as puffs of brown colored air left his lips. He grabbed the gallon of water and started to drink

Kitty giggled a bit before moving on, "Okay Eridan, you must burn your cape."

"There's no fire!" Eridan held his bullet ridden cape close, "You can't make me burn my preciousssss!" He hissed, sounding not unlike a certain Lord of the Rings character.

Kitty, fascinated, looked at the cape and turned it over in her hands, "If I put this on, will I be an invisible crack addict too?"

This sounded like a legitimate question.

As everyone else gave her weird looks, Eridan hissed again and cowered away, taking his cape, "MY PRECIOUSSSSS! YOU DO NOT STEAL MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSS."

Kitty approached the aquatic troll cautiously, holding up her hands in a placating manner as if she were approaching a frightened animal, "Eridan, you have other capes. You can wear those precious."

"Really…?" He unfurled slightly, and then grinned. "Ha! I can't burn it because I don't have fire!" Kitty deadpanned and grabbed his arm. Sollux, curious and a bit weirded out, followed. She stood in front of an unassuming blue door. As everyone looked on in confusion, she put her hand on it and drew four initials with her fingers.

_**L. O. T. R**_

She opened the door, revealing that there was a small ledge. Soon, Eridan, Sollux and Kitty were standing at the top of Mt. Doom. Eridan stood in front of the rolling flames, terrified and confused. Kitty called, "Eridan! Throw in the cape!"

"Wwhy are wwe here? Wwhat the fuck?!" Eridan panicked.

"I have no clue! But this is probably the most badass thing that will happen this chapter!" Kitty laughed.

"Eridan, what are you waiting for?" Sollux lisped, "Let it go! Throw it in the fire!"

Eridan was silent for a few moments, holding the cape close. He then turned to Sollux and said, "No." He put the cape on, turning invisible.

Kitty gasped, "I knew it! It _does_ make you an invisible crack addict!"

Suddenly, a wild Gollum appears!

Eridan shrieked as his cape was torn off, Gollum jumping over the edge and into the fire. He fell to his knees, sobbing. Kitty scratched her head, "Well, that's one way to burn a cape, I guess." She motioned for Sollux to follow her. Sollux complied, dragging Eridan by the scarf.

Once they were out, the blue door slammed shut, the four initials disappearing from the surface.

Eridan got up, dusted himself off, and uncaptulouged a new cape. "I'm ovver it." Sollux facepalmed.

"The next thing on our agenda…" Kitty made a face, "John must eat a spider. Ew."

John made a horrified face while Vriska fainted in the background.

"Don't worry, John," Kitty reassured, "She never said _how_. You've watched Bizarre Foods, right?"

"Oh," John said, still a bit freaked out, "Fried Cambodian Tarantulas?"

"Exactly," Kitty snapped her fingers and two fried arachnids appeared in her hand, all the hair already fried off.

"Why are there two?" John looked at her, seeming scared, "She only said one!"

"The other one's for me," Kitty made a face, "Look man; I ain't letting you do this alone. Besides, I'm always open to trying new foods. Have you ever had pig's brain? Mmm…" John looked sick. Kitty shook her head and handed a fried spider to him.

John took a deep breath, "On the count of three?"

"Yeah," Kitty nodded, "One, two…"

"Three!"

Both took tentative bites out of the snack. Disgusted noises rang throughout the room and Vriska (who had just woken up) fainted again. John made a surprisingly pleased sound. "Hey, it tastes like soft shelled crab!"

Kitty popped the rest of it in her mouth, "It's all sweet and salty and nutty. Huh."

Everyone looked at them as if they just lost their minds.

For Kitty, this was not the case. She was already crazy. Duh.

"Okay!" Kitty clapped, "The next review is from **8th Dimention.**"

**Have six (because well...trolls and six are like...you know) play Slender. Can it be Gamzee, Vriska, Karkat, Nepeta, (I'm sooo sorry...) Tavros (because he'd probably have the funniest reaction) and, and Sollux?**

"No, I don't know what trolls and six have to do with each other," Kitty tilted her head, "I know what trolls and twelve have to do with each other. I know what trolls and the western zodiac have to do with each other…"

Her out loud thoughts were interrupted by a groan, "Ah, fuck. Why the fuck does my head hurt and why is Gamzee on top of me?" Dave pushed the troll off of him, causing said troll to wake up and honk in annoyance.

"HELLO, YOU GUYS! GOOD MORNING AND WELCOME TO YOUR HANGOVER!" Kitty yelled into a megaphone, causing the two to cover their ears.

"Dude, not cool." Dave winced, rubbing his head.

"You're not cool, Dave. Thank you for clarifying." Kitty rolled her eyes, "Gamzee, we need you, Vriska, Karkat, Nepeta, Tavros and Sollux. You're going to play a game."

"I just lost the game!" John suddenly yelled. The humans groaned, Rose thumping him on the head with a pillow. Kitty sobbed dramatically, burying her face in her hands.

"I… I lost?! B-b-but I was doing so WELL!" Kitty cried. Dave just looked at them in confusion.

"What game?" Poor, innocent, confused Dave.

"Must you torture us further?" Jade snarled at him, teeth bared. Dave decided to just not care.

Kitty recovered quickly, "You six will play Slender!" Karkat groaned loudly, "Oh, shush Karkat."

Soon, the six were set up with laptops in a dark room, headphones over their ears. Kitty set up a night vision camera in the corner to capture their reactions later. After she exited the room, patting Tavros on the head (she worried for her patron troll), she saw an adorable sight.

Dave had somehow convinced John to let him lay on him, head in the derp's lap. Jade was taking as many pictures as possible while Rose scribbled in a notebook. "This man has magic hands, I swear," Dave mumbled contentedly, John's fingers digging into his scalp and running through his hair. John rolled his eyes, continuing.

Kitty restrained her inner fangirl, checking the watch drawn on her wrist again. "She should be here in three, two…" Everyone waited to see who she was talking about. They waited for a while as Kitty started to tap her foot impatiently. Soon, she burst out angrily, grabbing the nearest person and shaking him, "Dammit, WHERE IS SHE?"

"I don't know! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" Dave snapped, annoyed that his massage was interrupted and that his headache was back.

_**DRAMATIC CHORD**_

"NOOOOOOOBODY expects the SPANISH INQUISITION!"

A girl wearing a long red robe and had dark brown hair underneath a rather floppy red hat kicked the door in. And God, she was short. Kitty tried to repress the urge to flaunt how much taller she was. Dammit, it was hard. She was like, what, five one?

"Oh my God, you're so tiny!" Kitty epically failed. She took the hat off; properly ruffling the steaming girl's hair as the red robe was discarded, leaving a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops. "So~ cute!"

"Get the fuck off me!" She tried to push Kitty off, annoyed when the taller girl began to pinch her cheeks. "OFF!" Kitty 'doofed' as she fell back on her ass, a huge grin on her face.

"This is my cohost, Shazer!" Kitty announced, getting up and dusting herself off.

Shazer announced grandly, kind of deadpanning, "Evil beware, we have WAFFLES!"

"Let's see how our six trolls are doing!" Kitty said to the reader.

"Who are you talking to, Kitty?"

"SHAZER, I HAVE NO CLUE."

_**Nepeta**_

Nepeta was confused, not all that phased by the ambience. In fact, she seemed almost bored as she saw Slenderman. She yawned, "Where's a weapon? Why can't I just gut him from groin to chin and lap up his blood? AC doesn't get it."

She tilted her head as she was caught. "Aww, AC lost. The furocious huntress sighs in defeat as her purr-ey wins the game of meowbeast and squeakbeast..."

_**Vriska**_

"Cooooooool!" She was laughing, somehow chasing Slendy, "It has four extra limbs! Run, tall man, run! ! ! ! ! ! ! !" What the hell, spider bitch? What the actual hell?

_**Gamzee**_

He had soon gotten annoyed with the ambience. The clown's headache pounded even louder from listening to it. Even seeing Slenderman didn't save him from his hangover. Fed up, he just threw the laptop against the wall, breaking it into little pieces. Kitty was going to throw a fit.

_**Sollux**_

"OH THIT!" He nearly flipped the fuck out as Slenderman appeared at the same time as a crash. He played more, running as he gained another note. Almost there. Just two more to get… He shrieked as he caught sight of static. Soon, he was laughing, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes.

"I can't take thith! You want me, Thlenderman? COME GET ME." Looks like he lost it, "Well? I'm right here! Eat me or thomething!"

He fell backwards as he lost.

_**Tavros**_

Tavros was surprisingly calm as he gathered the notes. He jumped slightly as he saw Slenderman, but quickly calmed himself down. Maybe he just wanted a hug! Yes, that's totally why he had those extra appendages! He wanted a hug.

Tavros is really good at convincing himself.

_**Karkat**_

"OH SHIT!" Karkat was nearly sobbing, running from Slender. Then, his character began to slow down. "NO YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, RUN! IT'LL GET YOU!" He whimpered as he saw the static appear.

He quickly pointed at the sky, muttering to himself as one could clearly see that he was dying on the inside, "Look at the sky look at the sky look at the sky hahahahahahaha it can't get you if you stand really fucking still HAHAHAHAHAHAHA." He made a low noise in his throat as his flashlight flickered out.

"Oh fuck…" Karkat was trembling, his hands shaking wildly, "Keep looking at the sky, dammit, don't look down don't look down don't look down look at the pretty as fuck starry sky and why the fuck is it so foggy!"

He screamed and fell back as Slendy got him. He shakily got to his feet and flipped the table, "FUCK THIS GAME AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR." Thankfully, the laptop was unharmed. Kitty wouldn't throw a fit over this one.

_**Back to the cast!**_

As Kitty and Shazer laughed over their reactions, the other six trolls lounged about the room, Jade was curled up by the fire, Rose was petting her head while John pet Dave's hair, who had finally gotten over his hangover. Not that he let John know that. Dave decided to pretend to be hung over a little while longer. He liked being fawned over like this and it gave him an excuse for being uncool for once.

Rose must never know his true intentions. She'd have a field day.

Dave did not like Rose's field days.

Especially if they involved him.

Kitty let them out of the room, only to be clung to by a shaking Karkat. He started babbling in her ear, eyes wide, "Who the fuck thought this was a good idea this is a fucking disaster fuck you fuck everyone fuck life I want ice cream can we get ice cream in the well lit kitchen please?"

Kitty patted his head and said, "Get off me, you damn koala." He was then dumped on the floor.

"It's my turn for dares!" Shazer bounced to the front, gaining everyone's attention.

"I'll go get ice cream!" Kitty left to the kitchen, whistling.

"TRAMPOLINE TIME, BITCHES!" A trampoline appeared behind her and she immediately got on, jumping around. Aradia made a '**:D**' sort of face before jumping alongside her, dragging Sollux along with her. Feferi thought it looked fun and dragged Jade and Rose on before Nepeta grinned, dragging on Equius while Terezi dragged Karkat. Eridan, not wanting to be left out, jumped on. Vriska went on, being nice for once and dragging Tavros on.

John tried to get up but Dave whined, keeping him down with his arms wrapping around the heir's waist. "Nooooo, John, my head still hurts…" He whined again, burying his face in the derp's stomach. John reluctantly stayed put.

Kitty happily hummed as she came back into the room, eating cherry ice cream. "Hey guys, what'd I miss?" She looked at everyone bouncing on the trampoline for a few moments when someone heard a loud snap. Shazer looked over and saw Kitty giving a strained smile and a venomous glare, "Woman, where the hell did my couch go?!"

Shazer slowed her bouncing, her smile fading, "Uh…"

"Everyone, OFF." The trampoline disappeared, leaving everyone on the floor in a giant heap. John giggled at them, now thankful that he was held back. As everyone else groaned and got up, Kitty tapped her foot, glaring pointedly at Shazer, "Well?"

Shazer was confused before seeming to get it, "Oh yeah!" She clapped her hands and the couch appeared.

Kitty nodded in approval, "Proceed."

"Pfft…" Shazer snorted, "Who the hell says 'proceed' anymore?"

"I do, now hurry up. I have too many dares for this tomfoolery!" Kitty pouted. She possibly meant to look threatening, but in reality, she looked rather like a petulant child. The fact that she said 'tomfoolery', of all things, certainly didn't help.

"Okay!" Shazer clapped, "Karkat, let's stand back to back! I wanna see who's taller." The troll grumbled, stepping up to do so. As they stood back to back, you could see that Karkat was taller. By one inch.

"I win!" Kitty popped in between them, flaunting her seven inch leverage over the two. Shazer pushed her back again, cursing so much that Karkat started to blush. Kitty just gave a grin, giggling.

"No fucking fair!" Shazer complained, "He has horns and poofy hair!"

"Tough luck, sweetheart." Kitty got up and dusted herself off. "Get big anime hair or a ridiculous hat. Next!"

Shazer grinned, her mood swinging back to normal cheerfulness, "Hey Aradia, would you say that your life before you became Maid of Time was… DEAD boring?"

The sound of crickets met that.

"Well, I would love to go fix all my mistakes in addition to our game session, but I'm not…" Aradia grinned, "MAID of time, now am I?"

More crickets. Boy, this was a tough crowd.

Shazer and Aradia, wearing shades that came from seemingly no where (In the background, Dave whined loudly while Davesprite hid his face with his wings), pointed at each other, "AWWW YIS."

"Wow, you guys are punny!" Kitty grinned. There weren't even crickets this time. Everyone stared blankly at her, unimpressed. "I just wanted to join… I just wanted to b happy…" She promptly occupied the emo corner in a Tamaki like fashion, "I just WANTED to be HAPPY…"

Shazer ignored the hostess, "Dave and Jade, since you're Time and Space players, I want your opinions on Doctor Who!"

Jade smiled, "I don't watch it, but Dave does!" Dave whined loudly, shaking his head.

"I don't think he's over his hangover yet…" John is such a sucker sometimes.

Jade suddenly yelled, "DAVE, DON'T BLINK!"

Dave shrieked and scrambled up, hanging off of John as the boy was caught off surprise, eyes widening as he looked around, not closing his eyes for even a second. "Fuck! I know you're out there! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!"

Rose was, however, amused, "Dave, there are no Weeping Angels. We're all blinking and we're fine." She smirked, "Now, when were you planning to tell John that you were over your hangover?"

Dave paled, muttering, "Fuck."

Shazer laughed before handing John a box. It was a marbled obsidian and white marble, cursive writing saying, _Box of Ultimate Pranks._ John looked at it in reverence. "Oh my God… It's beautiful."

Everyone else glared at Shazer. Shazer grinned proudly, "Yeah, I'm trying to make you all hate me. But I don't give a single shit!"

John slowly opened the box, lifting the lid with delicate fingers. Said fingers dropped it as a bunch of streamers popped out instead. He looked on in horror, "What…?"

Kitty triumphantly held up the _real_ box of pranks. "Hehehehe."

John turned to her, glaring, "One does not simply prank the Pranking Master."

"I just did." Kitty smirked, "Do something about it. I DEER you." John gave a confused look, "It's an inside joke with my real-life friends."

"I wasn't aware you had a life." Kanaya raised an eyebrow.

John and Kitty ignored her, "Kitty, this means war."

"Yes, war." Kitty nodded.

"PRANKING WA-" Before John could finish, a bucket conked him on the head from seemingly nowhere.

"Oh hey, how'd that happen?" Kitty tilted her head innocently, "Shazer, you should continue."

"Uh…" Shazer stated oh-so-intelligently.

"Hehehe," Terezi cackled, "Hey Karkat! I think John is inviting you to go mate with him!" Karkat, of course, started to rant. But we've heard a million of those, so I'll shorten it for you. He said:

BLAH BLAH MATING BLAH BLAH BLAH SLENDERMAN BLAH BLAH BLAB BLAH TRIGGERS RANT RANT WITH A WAFFLE IRON

Kitty clapped excitedly, checking her drawn on watch. "Our next guest should be coming!" Right on time (UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE), she walked into the room, bowing. Kitty gave a respectful bow back to the girl with green eyes. "This is Eridanisnotonfire! But, personally, I think that's too long, so I hope you don't mind me calling you Dani."

"Okay, but remember, I'm not a female Dave!" Dani joked. She turned to everyone, "You know, I happen to be the next darer." Everyone groaned. Dani turned to Eridan.

"I like your bangs," Eridan nodded, "Vviolet is the best color for hair."

Dani squealed, "Thank you! Now, Eridan," She looked over him, "Go without your cape, scarf and rings and wear regular jeans instead of striped. You're awesome no matter what you wear!"

Flattered, Eridan went into the bathroom and easily did as asked, handing the cape to Dani for safe keeping. Kitty sulked, growing mushrooms in the emo corner, "Oh, so when _she_ asks you to give her the cape, you do it? No fair!" Eridan seemed to not care that Dani was sniffing his cape with a face similar to someone crossing over the ERMERGERD face and the Overly Attached Girlfriend's smile.

Dani stopped and went to Karkat, "Do you STILL not understand human homosexuality?"

"No, I don't. No one even tried to explain," Karkat scowled, "Is it something you eat or some shit?"

Kitty giggled, "I would ask you to eat John's homosexuality, but he's _obviously_ Strider-sexual."

"No I am no-" John tried to protest, but then Shazer shushed him.

"Shh. Let us have our fun."

Dani then looked at Rose, "Give Eridan therapy for the next few days. TRY to stay sober."

Rose looked at her, frowning, "I find it offensive that you would accuse me of inhibition. Kitty doesn't allow alcohol in her house, so I have not the chance to get drunk."

"It's for the best." Kitty nodded, "After all, we're all under aged."

"Okay…" Dani seemed slightly disappointed, but bounced back rather quickly. "Everyone, did you know?"

She placed a pair of glasses on her nose. Kitty winced. Here it comes…

"Have you ever noticed that a lot of your Pesterchum and Trollian screename initials are each other's backwards? CA and AC, TA and AT, GC and CG, TC and CT. Aradia and Feferi have double letters AA and CC, and they are two of Sollux's great and Rose and Jade also have two of the same letter. John changed his, but he used to be GT, which is TG backwards." Dani grinned, taking off what Kitty then dubbed 'The Nerdy Glasses of Cleverness'.

Everyone shrugged. It didn't really faze them. "You know, we just chose our handles based on what we liked." Rose said.

Kitty, however, seemed to be having a small breakdown, "Everything I know is a lie!"

"Does that mean, by default, the cake ISN'T a lie?" Shazer asked hopefully.

"No, the cake is still a lie." Kitty replied. Shazer sulked.

"This next one is from-" But before Dani could finish, someone else ran in. The girl seemed unassuming, brown hair and brown eyes, just who you'd see hanging around anywhere. She panted, wiping sweat from her forehead.

"Am I late? Ohhh, I knew I should have packed my laptop first!" Kitty giggled, patting the girl's back.

"No, no, you're fine Emily!" Emily looked up, grinning at Shazer and Dani.

"Oh my God, the best people do these truth or dares! Eridanisnotonfire, DSF, Livvykitty- Ohhh, I just love you guys!" She was excited, bouncing a bit and squealing.

Kitty chuckled at Shazer and Dani's confused look, "This is Emily. I found her truth or dare and fell in love with it. Then, I read her profile and realized that she loves reading our stories. Sooo, I gave her an invite to join in!"

Emily squealed, nodding, "It's true! You guys are awesome authors!"

"You two," Kitty pointed at the other two cohosts, "Can find her pen name, _**xEmistuckx**_ and her truth or dare!" She turned to the readers, "No more cohosts will be accepted! Thank you all for reading and reviewing!"

"Kitty," Dani looked confused, "Who are you talking to?"

"I DON'T KNOW."

"Now, the next one is from GodTierJade…" Dani then looked suspiciously at Jade.

"It wasn't me! I swear!"

**Hello! Thought I'd come up with a few dares c:**

Nepeta: *hands bag of catnip* go wild! 'u'  
Everyone: Search 'Eridan's United States of Wwhatevver' on youtube, I would love to see the troll's reactions, especially Eridan's xD  
Karkat: You are John's servant for a whole day. You have to do whatever John says! *hands frilly maid dress* also, you have to wear that hehe.

A bag of catnip fell at Nepeta's feet. Curious, she picked it up and sniffed it. Her pupils dilated and she grinned, tearing open the bag with her teeth and chewing some, falling on her back and rolling around.

Equius, embarrassed by his moirail's display, sweated in the background, "I… I think I need a towel." Kitty quickly handed him one, because she was _not_ having sweat stains on her carpet. She then wondered why, if Equius broke everything, he couldn't tear a towel.

Kitty came to the conclusion that, like Superman, Equius had a weakness.

She didn't care though.

Soon, Shazer pulled up the Youtube video and pointed at the screen the computer was conveniently hooked up to. "And now, we present, Eridan's United States of Wwhatevver!"

Then the video started.

Feferi raised an eyebrow at Eridan as he danced along. Kanaya slowly reached for her lipstick before it was confiscated by Kitty. She wasn't going to have blood stains on her carpet either. She had JUST gotten it painted wicked hipster pink.

No, seriously, she just painted it before the video started while everyone was distracted by Nepeta's high antics. It was a very nice color.

Oh Wwhatevver.

As the video ended, Eridan actually continued, "So this bitch," He pointed at Kitty, who got very offended, "comes up to me and is like 'you're joining my truth or dare!' and I wwas like 'Wwhatevver!'"

"Hey, I am not a female dog!" Kitty huffed, "I am a female cat. Therefore, the correct term is Queen."

"And I wwalk up to this fan and I'm like," Eridan turned to Dani, "'Hey, you're really cute,' and she squeals and says, 'I lovve you!' and I'm like, 'Likewwise!'" He kissed her cheek, ignoring her creeper smile before raising his hands in the air.

"'Cause this is MY United States of Wwhatevver!" Eridan then calmly sat down. Sollux shot Dani a (totally jealous) glare.

"Okay, Karkat! You have to be John's servant for today- Ohhh, I totally jinxed that, didn't I?" Kitty winced, handing him the maid's dress. "I knew daring John to be your servant would come back around sometime…"

John grinned, rubbing his hands together in a totally cheesy villainous gesture, "Excellent."

Karkat looked horrified, "There's no way in FUCK I would do that!"

Kitty took out her laptop and began to type. Shazer held a lego in her hand, grinning devilishly while Dani held several sad Fanfics in her hands. Emily, not sure exactly what she should do, just took out her laptop, fingers poised.

_Kitty sighed at this problem. Oh dear, how would the dare be completed? But she knew exactly what to do. Using her keyboard, she could make things happen in her story whilst no one was watching. So, she typed. _

_Karkat was suddenly in the maid's dress._

Kitty looked up from her screen and smirked as Karkat's clothes disappeared, being replaced by the dress. Karkat shrieked and tried to pull the hem of the short skirt down, unknowingly hiking it up in the back.

John stared at his panty clad ass in a totally friendly and platonic way (bullshit) and Dave glared at the flustered troll, wrapping his arms around John's waist.

John, grinning, beckoned Karkat over and whispered in his ear of his ingenious plan. Kitty would pay. No one pranked the Pranking Master!

"I would like to give a quick shout out to _In the Asylum_!" Kitty announced, "It's awesome to see you! And I like the new nickname. Mistress of Mad, hehe… But anyway, we shall meet again, yes?"

And a random voice answered, _**Yes.**_

"The next review is from AwesomePotterlover!" Kitty announced.

**Oh man I wish I could host this with you. But you know *points at self* really bad author and bad host of anything other than real truth or dare games. Lets be serious, they're usually 'Dare or Pain' games. If you read even the first chapter of 'Truth or Dare: Hogwarts style' you'll know what I mean.**

**Anyway this sounds great, and I have heard from my friends you're a good author, so I'm looking forward to seeing the first couple of chapters. Meanwhile, I might as well give you some slightly terrifying to outsiders dares. Uh...Lets see...**

**KARKAT: Sing a song revealing your true feelings towards the John human**

**Can't think of anything else. I'll probably come up with something better later but, hey, what can you do?**

"Me? A good author?" Kitty smiled sheepishly, "I wouldn't cal myself that. I'm not the best writer ever. Hell, the only story I'm proud of is Curtain Rising', and we all know how _that_ ended."

"How?" Emily asked.

"With the trolls as dolls and Jade killing basically everyone (except Rose) before dying from a mysterious shadow." Kitty shrugged. Everyone gave her a look. "I was bored."

"Anyway… Karkat, sing!" Before Karkat could protest, a microphone was in his hand.

The troll grumbled, but began to do as the dare dictated.

"_Don't know what's going on  
Don't know what went wrong  
Feels like a hundred years I  
Still can't believe you're gone  
So I'll stay up all night  
With these bloodshot eyes  
While these walls surround me with the story of our life_

_I feel so much better_  
_Now that you're gone forever_  
_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all_  
_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now_  
_That you're gone forever_

_Now things are coming clear_  
_And I don't need you here_  
_And in this world around me_  
_I'm glad you disappeared_  
_So I'll stay out all night_  
_Get drunk and fuckin' fight_  
_Until the morning comes I'll_  
_Forget about our life_

_I feel so much better_  
_Now that you're gone forever_  
_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all_  
_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now_  
_That you're gone forever_

_First time you screamed at me_  
_I should have made you leave_  
_I should have known it could be so much better_  
_I hope you're missing me_  
_I hope I've made you see_  
_That I'm gone forever_

_And now it's coming clear_  
_That I don't need you here_  
_And in this world around me_  
_I'm glad you disappeared_

_I feel so much better_  
_Now that you're gone forever_  
_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all_  
_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now_  
_That you're gone forever_  
_And now you're gone forever_  
_And now you're gone forever "_

Kitty clapped, stifling giggles. It was such a serious song, but it was SO HARD to take him seriously in that dress. Everyone else clapped as Karkat threw the microphone down, huffing.

"Our last review is from Gamzee Meowkara!" Emily announced.

**Okay, here are MAH DARES.  
1. DAVE STRIDER, CARRY AROUND LIL CAL ON YOUR SHOULDERS LIKE HE IS YOUR CHILD.  
2. KARKAT VANTAS, COSPLAY AS A NEKO!  
3. ROSE LALONDE, SLAP KANAYA AWAY AND KISS JOHN AWESOMELY.**

"Well Dave, you heard the fan. Carry Lil Cal." Kitty handed the puppet to him.

Dave whimpered, holding the puppet away from him for a few seconds. He slowly put the puppet on his shoulders, sniffing dramatically as tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. It was pure torture.

"Okay, Karkles has to cosplay as a neko!" Dani clapped.

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows, "What the fuck is a neko?"

"You. You are the neko." Shazer slammed some cat ears and a tail on him. When Kitty realized, she started to laugh.

"Oh God! You look like a Nekomimi maid!" She sounded like a donkey hyped up on crack. That was how ridiculous her laugh was. Karkat spluttered, blushing, before beginning to sneak upstairs. Nepeta, not as high as before, followed him, followed by Terezi, who was curious as to how the cat ears tasted.

"Rose, you head it…" Emily was throwing a tantrum in her head. Her ship! Her beautiful ship! IT WAS SINKING…

Rose gave an apologetic look to Kanaya, very softly slapping her in the face (it was more of a pap) and pecking John on the lips. Dave, momentarily forgetting Lil Cal, growled at her. Rose raised an eyebrow, "Growl at me again and I will tell everyone your middle name."

That shut him up really quickly.

"Okay, we hope you enjoyed!" Kitty grinned. "Goodbye for now!" She and Rose then turned to Dave.

"Now Dave, would you mind telling us why you faked your hangover?" Rose asked. Kitty grinned.

Dave paled. Fuck, _two_ psychoanalysts.


End file.
